Twinterview: Itemforty Doesn't Really Listen To Limp Bizkit

Twinterview: Itemforty Doesn’t Really Listen To Limp Bizkit

Happy Friday to all of you kind, gentle souls still experiencing Friday on this lovely, semi-fallish-I-guess-kind-of-it’s-still-80-here-Friday day, and thanks for continuing to read past this sentence for the latest, greatest Twinterview ContentPending DotCom may ever have.* Today I have a super special guest to interview for our fourth edition of ContentPending DotCom Presents: ContentPending DotCom’s Presentation of ContentPending DotCom Twinterviews. He is the editor-in-chief, the commish, the police chief, and the secretarial and janitorial staff all rolled together in one without the pesky job of “paying anyone,” ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only, the item for you when you’re three quarters of the way down through your inventory screen, yes, I’m talking about that one guy, Itemforty.

Welcome, Mr. Forty. What’s going on in the world of items today?

I think I’m turning into a cynical old bastard prematurely. Forgive me.

Oh, well I’m sorry to hear that. I thought you already were a cynical old bastard but it’s nice to know that we have something else to look forward to from now. So, the readers want to know: Are there any contributing factors related to you quote turning end quote into a cynical old bastard?

I am slowly resting my intestines on a very sharp spear.

I see. Is there any particular reason that you’re doing that at the moment, or is it more of a “shits and giggles” sort of thing?

I ate too much pork.

Sorry to hear that. So it’s more a metaphysical interpretation of a very sharp spear than a literal one, am I correct?

Clarification - new york strip cut buffalo meat, michelada marinade, garlic and onion mashed potatoes = delicious evening.

Ah, so the “spear” is the strip cut and the cynicism is a slang term for garlic and onion mashed potatoes. Got ‘cha. Did you need to clear anything else up before we move on?

Ok, let me qualify my statement: dudes shouldn’t drink alcoholic beverages with straws.

That still doesn’t explain what you were doing with that margarita the other day. Are you saying that it’s ok to do it when you do it but it’s not ok in any other aspect of a man’s day?

Mexi-shrek.

Get right down to the bottom of it, why don’t you? Moving on, is there anything else going on in the world of forty right now?

I screwed my taxes up horribly, so I’m probably spending the entire day fixing them.

That’s terrible. Especially since they were due in April.

I’m going to go bring the pain now.

What exactly do you mean by… Is that a helicopter? Oh, shit, that is a helicopter? What are we gonna do? We’re going to die!

SHOOT THE COCKPIT

I don’t have anything to shoot it with! If only that guy from the Legend of Zelda were here, he could tell us what to do.

Ridiculous! LINK CAN’T TALK!

I KNOW THAT DON’T YOU THINK I DON’T KNOW THAT OH GOD WE’RE GOING TO DIE HERE AND I NEVER EVEN KISSED A GIR… *cough, cough* Well, anything else you’d like to mention to our listening readership before we’re horribly bombed to death?

“I don’t really listen to limp bizkit, but after 9/11…”

…The transcript runs out here. Even though we here at ContentPending DotCom’s editorial staff are all here and accounted for, apparently the writer decided that good enough was good enough and pretended to blow himself up even though we can see him RIGHT OVER THERE MIKE. YEAH, DON’T HOLD UP THAT POTTED PLANT I CAN STILL SEE YOU BACK THERE, HIPPIE.

We hope you enjoyed this episodic content. Please drive carefully. Unless you’re blind, then just please drive slowly.

*note: not necessarily the views of the author